Two Ferns, One Beard

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

Between Two Ferns With Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

BONUS VID: "ASS N BALLS SHOW"

It's The Ass 'n Balls Show! from Will Ferrell

Live from Cape Cod: Bearded Beach Bliss

Just returned from a fairytale week of bearded beach bliss in Cape Cod, and I swear I’m still on a non amphetamine-induced high. As if escaping New York and going to hang at the beach for a week isn't enough – I also had the pleasure of just chillin' with and seeing TWO absolutely amazing performances from You Bet Your Beard friends/loyal readers/reasons for living- Bon Iver and Dave Godowsky.

As my 5 regular blog readers can attest, I am rarely at a loss for words. I have also seen at least 100(give or take) Bon Iver shows to date by now – but without fail, each one manages to surpass the last by immeasurable proportions, knock the wind out of me and leave me completely speechless(then make me The Promise and bring me back to life). The extraordinary talent of these four musicians individually is mind-blowing enough(as is Bon Iver's debut album, For Emma, purchase here), but the sheer musical ecstasy that results when they come together on stage – something beyond earthly excellence, just so much larger than life.

The two sold-out Bon Iver performances at the charming Cape Cinema theater fell nothing short of absolute bearded perfection, as per usual. And for me, the intimate atmosphere and lovely opening “ballads” from Dave Godowsky added something extra special to these particular shows. Other highlights included the horn-blowing magnificence of John Dehaven on For Emma, Flume and Wolves, and the brilliantly talented Mr. Cape Cod himself, Nate Vernon, snare drummin’ away on Lump Sum. Both nights also included some killer covers – a track from New Buffalo, one from Yo La Tengo(super cool) and my personal favorite - a beautifully harmonized cover of The Jayhawk’s “Tampa to Tulsa.” Everything was perfect and touching and immaculate...and the afterparty didn't suck either.

So to the Boys of Brewster Flats: a heartfelt thank you for a truly surreal weekend. beautiful music. beautiful people. you guys are the greatest.

And to the rest of you: If for some reason you’ve been living in a hole (or a remote cabin in the Wisconsin woods without access to anything except lumberwood and Northern Exposure dvds) and have not yet had the honor of submerging yourself in th’ocean of Bon Iver’s brilliant music, please do yourself a favor and get balls deep in it immediately. It will put hair on your beard, warmth in your heart and life in your soul. multiple beardgasms will ensue. and a Lover’s Waltz will turn until the end.

Buy Bon Iver’s album and EP here. Download Godowsky’s music for free here. And check out a ton of videos from the shows (pls note: Blood Bank dedication to me and Jules. no biggie.) below.

Tecate Toast

This week's extra special Cinco de Mayo award goes to the King Cobra himself, Johnny Beach. A million thank yous to Captain Hammerstix for organizing the brilliantly bearded bill of Dark Was the Night and riggin us up all nachos grande style for the show. Muy Congrats, Felice Cumpleanos and Tres Tecates Shotgunos! To find out more about the man of the hour, checkout the King Cobra's full bio HERE.

And in regards to the absolutely phenomenal Dark Was The Night show, Senor Vegan has a great review up that everyone should read. I caught up with the Vegan for a sec after the show and our conversation went something like this:

BV: Amazing show. And I loved it when my Brightest Diamond sang on that one Bon Iver song.

Me: Noone should even open their mouth to breathe when Justin Vernon is singing.

BV: alright psycho. welp...seeya later.

LOTS more in-depth beard coverage of our beloved Bon Iver coming at you upon our return from Rape Cod. But right now, a gigante Tecate toast to Johnny Beach!

Hyperbearded...

ZZ???

You know that you are a World Champion when you could easily use your beard to double as a full on ski mask and rob a bank. This Zorro-esque superhuman beard belongs to the infamous Jack Passion, winner of many a beard tourney and current title-holder of WORLD Beard and Moustache Champion. My brother-from-another-mother on the West Coast, Beard Revue, sums it up nicely here:

"Men have crossed traffic to further inspect, admire and compliment this beard. Women have offered their loins...Passion’s beard is truly one of the greatest living specimens out there." - Beard Revue, on the magnetism of Passion's beard

This statement was even further solidified in a late night email I received from a beard-loving friend after a recent Passion sighting in Brooklyn.

From: bonersforbeards@bowerypresents.com
Date: Sun, Mar 15, 2009 at 1:41 AM
Subject: world champion
To: Katie Alexander

this is the guy i was losing my shit over. he is the world champion. he was wearing the white tux tonight.
http://jackpassion.com/

I think one of my biggest regrets in life will be not getting out of bed that night to go check out that magnificent work of art for myself. Ironic, since it was standing right next to me a year earlier and i didn't even know it.

Oh well, my time will come. And until then we will continue to hail the almightiest beard in the world. And we will most definitely be rootin' for you in Alaska, Mr. Passion! (For live coverage of this event, please tune in to my twittersphere)

United Beards of Willie

"Matt Hauck and the members of Phosphorescent made it to the State Theater to meet Willie Nelson and Family. Their most recent tribute CD entitled To Willie is a new favorite on the bus." - via Willie Nelson's official website

Phosphorescent and Willie together in the Dirty Jerz last week!! (How did we sleep on this one, TJBJ?) There are no words to describe how obsessed we are with Willie Nelson...but Phosphorescent's tribute album, To Willie, is pretty damn perfect itself.

Eternal thanks to the Captain of the blogosphere, Brooklyn Vegan, for introducing the album to us and showcasing it live at the Brookyln Vegan SXSW 2009 showcase.

Bonus pics - United Beards of Willie in cowboy hat form.

BEARDAPALOOZA: THE SXSW 09 BEARD ROUND-UP

Here's a real treat - a few belated Beardapalooza (aka SXSW 2009) photographs that our friend, Michael Williams, kindly took for us(under my supervision) during our visit to Austin. In addition to being one hell of a beard paparazzo, MW also runs his own brilliant, style-savvy blog that keeps us informed on all things masculine, American, classic and cool. If you are a true red-blooded(and bearded) American man, you should definitely check out his blog, A Continuous Lean, after you are finished soaking in the awesomeness of these pictures.

BEARDAPALOOZA 2009. AUSTIN, TX.

"I am extremely hot and definitely read ACL"



"I too am an ACL reader. Thats why my beard totally works with this man purse"



"I've got two bucks that says the dude behind the camera is drinking a High Life right now"



"My beard is so amazing that it has it's own Twitter"



"Shhhh..this beard is fake, I hope Auerbach likes it though"



"Wow, i can't believe all these tips are from that creepy blonde chick"



And this is just one of Ali and I following that Emo's beardtender back to his hotel...

Grow One For The Team!

THE NEW YORK RANGERS just officially became our favorite sports team. Anyone who is out there growing beards for charity AND beating the teeth out of the beardless with a giant stick has our vote 100%. LETS GO RANGERS!!

Support the Rangers by pledging to grow a beard HERE.

Can't grow one? No problem. They have a MAKE ONE option too. Check out how awesome Stern's is - cant even tell its a fake!

And the Heisman goes to...

Ladies and Beardedmen. It probably comes as no shock that this week's Beard of the Ball award goes to the most ass kickin, beer drinkin, heart breakin, earth quakin, Jameson rapin, rock n roll bearded band around, Lucero.

We proudly salute and thank the boys of Lucero for giving us the greatest 2 + hours of awesomeness, happiness and drunkeness that we have ever experienced at the Music Hall of Williamsburg, last saturday night.

Good times, great friends, sweet beards, & one of the best goddamn bands on earth...and it really don't get any better than this.

Check out this touching video of Lucero frontbeard, Ben Nichols, graciously accepting our award. (Apologies for not having any footage of Johnny C Stubblebeard's acceptance speech - we think it was lost somewhere in his beard around 5 am, along with roughly 32 - 35 PBR shotguns and a bag of Chili Lime Tostitos.)


"Chariots of Fire" -Ben Nichols and Rick Steff from Tony Bowman on Vimeo.

and also check out this clip of Lucero performing a beautiful new whiskey-drenched tear jerker off their forthcoming album, Chariots of Jameson.


Lucero - Goodbye Again from Cory Williams on Vimeo.

BEARDS BEWARE!

This is a pretty sweet tattoo right? I was just over on St Marks the other day contemplating getting a similar one myself. Well...i'm sure as shit glad i didnt. Couldve easily been mistaken for THIS music savvy, perverse speaking, money stealing, acute disease claiming, Kareem Abdul Jabaar signature forging psychopath.

This seemingly awesome tattoo belongs to a beard-boning criminal by the name of Kari Ferell. Krazy Eyes Kari is wanted in 50 states(ok, 2) for seducing her way into the beds and bank accounts of countless innocent bearded men across the nation, stealing their money and cell phones, and doing all sorts of other crazy shit on top of that.

You can read the journalistically accurate version in The Observer. But moral of the story, Beards Beware: what may appear sexy over workplace IM/in a naughty note from "Korean Abdul Jabaar" will only empty your pockets, your medicine cabinets and your hearts.

PS Kari - why are you holding a cup that says AIDS if you are trying to pick up dudes? great way to get the fellas in the sack.

From the makers of rapist glasses...

Beard Of The Ball Award

Been away for a while due to a porn-related computer virus contracted from sternyoulearn, but we’re kicking it back into gear today with the inauguration of the prestigious Beard of the Ball Award. The Beard of the Ball Award is our way of saluting the beards we love and will be bestowed upon those displaying extraordinary beardliness and outstanding showmanship at any beard-related event.

This week’s Beard of the Ball Award goes to You Bet Your Beard friend and soon to be Xbeard collaborator, Jake Schneider, aka Nitrous Jake, aka Mr. Balloon Beard.

In the Solar System of Beards, Jake could be considered Jupiter. Magnetic, volcanic, celestial. All in all, just a breath of fresh nitrous. In addition to being one of the funnest and hairiest guys we know, he also books some kickass bearded bands and runs one of our favorite blogs around, http://www.jakenjake.com/. Much like us, Jake’s pastimes include blogging, twittering, watching weird youtube videos, exposing copious amounts of flesh(or in his case, hair) and hitting the occasional late night amphetamine-fueled dance party. And when it comes to the beard game, this guy is runnin it - point guard, quarterback and wide receiver style. Watch Jake earning his Beard of the Ball Award here and in our photographic tribute above.

Shirts off and Beards up to Nitrous Jake for making the world a happier and hairier place!

This weekend is the Superbowl of Beards. and I've got all my money ridin on this guy.

Dan Auerbach Tee. Double the Beard, Double the Fun.

Skittles

So Apropos...

My (Easy Like Sunday) Morning Beard

creepy blonde mustaches

God Bless Willie

AA Beardy